The Bench

The door flung wide open. A little boy ushered by his teacher walked into the school office. Floods of tears accompanied his uncontrollable sobs as his chest heaved to catch his breath.

His face red and wet from crying he took his seat on the edge of the bench. He was condemned to time-out. My heart broke as I watched his tears stream down his face.

There he sat his head sinking lower and lower as the minutes ticked by. His 5-year old shoulders hunched over in attempts to weep in private.

His offense?

He didn’t obey.

He wasn’t responsible.
He couldn’t focus.

My heart broke for him. I desperately wanted to go to him. Not to lecture, but instead validate life is hard, but there is grace. I sat from afar holding him with my eyes as he cried it all out…

All the frustrations,

the pressure,
the expectations,
the fears,
the disappointment,

…and the shame.

I knew just how he felt.

Really, it might as well been me. Sitting there on that bench with my shoulders hunched in crying it all out. Even today I too have been at fault for disobedience, irresponsibility and the inability to focus.

But must he— or I —cry alone?

Who will come alongside this boy in life to validate his heart and tell him of the great grace there is for him? Who will accept him even in his lack?

Who will accept me even in my lack?

Please…

If you see me on the bench crying and my head hung low in shame for the wrong I’ve done or presently doing—please…

Please don’t let me cry alone.

Don’t leave me there on the lonely bench to sink deeper into shame.

Come to me. Hold me. Wipe my tears with grace. And sing to me of the One who loves me in spite of what I do—or don’t do.

And friend, I will do the same for you.

On the journey with you,

lk

~What are you dealing with today that you need to just “cry” it out?

~Do you have someone safe who will accept you no matter what?
~How deeply connected are you to an authentic community?
Thank you for sharing your journey.

Relevant Worship

How He Love by Kim Walker-Smith (Jesus Culture)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Reflective Scripture

2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

Writing the Mess

I am just an ordinary woman wanting to make a difference in the world—

Somebody’s world.

I choose to be real and vulnerable for someone—

Anyone—

to be impacted by the extreme and relentless love of God.

My journey is no different than yours.

It’s messy.

In a life marked with both wrestling and surrendering to Jesus,

I find purpose.

I write of God’s pursuit to fully capture my heart.

My journey is no different than yours.

It’s messy.

It’s real.

I am just an ordinary woman wanting to make a difference in the world—

Your world.

lk

Finding Me

{The following was a self-imposed free-writing exercise I did in my personal in July 2011 to spark creativity and find my voice on paper.}

There are a lot of things that I am not.

I am not a Bible scholar, teacher, or preacher.

I am not a college graduate, historian, or psychologist.

I’m just me.

I’m not going to pretend to be somebody I am not. I tried the life of the pretender, but it just didn’t pan out. I started to be real, vulnerable, and authentic. I was surprised at what happened inside me—and in others. I was being healed and others saw it was a good thing. Not just for me, but for them too.

I’m still working out the kinks. I sometimes still try to be someone I’m not. But in the end I come back to who God has made me to be—me.

I’d rather be a real me than a fake you.

Being real doesn’t mean I air my laundry and become an open book for all to see. It just means I don’t fake it—most of the time. Sometimes I don’t feel safe. And when I don’t feel safe, I protect my heart. It’s called wisdom.

Life.

It’s messy, confusing, wonderful, chaotic, and an exhilarating journey that if I’m in a good mood I will refer to as an adventure—most days it is a journey. My life is like any other a journey of trust. It’s a journey filled with doubt one moment and great faith in the next. I won’t preach at you or strive to teach you anything. I figure Holy Spirit can handle that one.

I will simply invite you alongside my journey of experiencing God. I won’t admit I have it all figured out—because I don’t. My words are simple. I won’t try to impress you. It’s just not worth it. This isn’t about me—this is about you…drawing near to God.

Who are you?

Here or somewhere…be real

Share your journey.

Worth the Mess

Things were about to get messy.

Her heart beat wildly within her chest as she carefully clasped the ceramic jar between her sweaty palms. Motivated by love she cautiously and confidently walked through the crowd to reach her one passion—the one called Jesus.

She felt judging eyes following her, but she focused only on her Lord. Upon reaching Him she dropped to her knees. She knew it was a risk, but there was no going back. Her soul longed to be close to her Messiah—her Savior. Without further hesitation she cracked open the jar. Everyone froze as the sound echoed across the room. The scent of perfume and the oily substance escaped through the broken opening—making a mess.

Spectators watched as the woman poured perfume over Jesus’ head. Murmurs were heard throughout the room as she used her hair to anoint His feet. She knew it was messy—but she did it anyway. He was worth it.

The Bible tells this story about Mary, a woman radically changed by the love of Jesus. Her expression, though criticized, was out of response to the love she received. She chose to take a risk. She chose to be vulnerable. She chose to trust—even if it got messy.

Her response makes sense when you think about Jesus. After all, His love toward us was displayed in messy ways too. He stepped out of heaven and became a baby only to be given a dirty animal trough as a crib, who then grew up to be a man to endure the bloody piercings of the crucifixion. He was willing to get messy—we were worth it.

Like Mary, the extravagant love of God has radically changed my life. My response to Him has become a journey of risk, vulnerability, and deeper trust. Does it get messy? Sure it does—but He’s worth it.

Are you willing to get messy?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Relevant Worship

Deep in Love with You by Michael W. Smith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qECMAL8h3gE&feature=related

Burning Ones by Chris Quilala (Jesus Culture)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDZtXmVZtFg&feature=related

Dance with Me by Paul Wilbur

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-moWmYdc4I&feature=related

Reflective Scripture

Matthew 26:6-13

Mark 14:3-9
Luke 7:36-50