Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Even This?

I ran my finger over the inscription of the silver heart. Those words—I swear I could hear them mocking me—even laughing as my soul wrestled with its meaning.

G r a t i t u d e    i n   a l l    t h a t   i s

What is that supposed to mean?

On a better day it would have been a sweet sentiment—one quickly forgotten. But that day wasn’t good. I suppose a “good” Christian would accept the seemingly kind cliché and take it as a sign to praise the Lord through the valleys of life. But I don’t want to be a good Christian—just a real one.

I sneered at the words in disgust and abandoned the pendant to the sales clerk. But those words, already impressed on my soul, would never leave me.

Gratitude in ALL that IS?

As the days followed the He urged me to find the gift in each day—everyday. Tell me—how am I to find the gift in dark moments and seasons of life?
How does anyone?

I wrestle for the gift as the First Boy defiantly ignores my direction. He says nothing, but his eyes tell me ‘no, never, and I will always hate you.’

Gratitude in ALL that IS?
Even this?

The Blonde Boy hurls a pinecone at me. He is angry for my thoughtlessness of putting both open and closed pinecones into one single bag. Seriously.

Gratitude in ALL that IS?
Even this?

Even when…

            a car slams into mine?

When my child is sick?

When there is a water leak?

When my son gets picked on at school?

When the ledger shows more red than black?

When a friend rejects me?

When there is no hot water for days?

When business is molasses slow?

When the child can’t keep any food down?

When I boil pots of water to wash the dishes

and wash soiled sheets in cold?

When ants greet me in the food pantry

and when they surprise me in the loft?

When my boys won’t get out of bed in the morning,

and when they won’t get into bed at night?

When the plumber gives the bill?

When my mother-in-law’s health is threatened,

and I hear my husband holding back the tears?

When the car bumper is cracked?

When my neck and back begin to ache?

When no one takes the trash out?

When the bank account is drained?

When shame wants to reside within me?

When expectations hound me?

When the smallest one runs away from me—

                        down the street

                                    and around the corner?

Even in this?

Gratitude in ALL that IS?

God I don’t like what IS right now. Just saying.

Thank you for the grace to be real and not have it all figured out.
On the journey with you… lk

How do you embrace gratitude in all that is in your life? Here or somewhere…be real. Share your journey.


  1. This has been quite a week! A week I would be tempted to want to forget as quickly as possible. A week where fiery darts were shot from the most painful of and least unexpected places. I was even tempted to ask God to turn the fiery darts into Boomerangs just so they would know how it feels when it comes hurling back at them (just keepin' it real), but in spite of it all, He began my week with "Cherish the little things." He sought to direct my focus to what was most important. And by the end of the week when the most painful dart of all hit so unexpectedly, He invited me to come and lay my head on His chest and let Him breathe words of life into me. So thankful that He is God!

  2. Yup sometimes it just straight sucks - and I'm a Christian and yeah I say "sucks". Because... I can.

    I often wonder what the heck is going on in God's plans and why He's got me on hold while hell furies all around. I figure you're wondering the same thing too.

    And I don't have answers. All I know is that somewhere down the road there'll be answers to the questions.

    If I can offer, and add a song to your post it would be this song by Amy Grant:

  3. Would it help if I just *sighed* with you? Thanks for having the courage to be real, Laura, and for giving others permission to do the same. I'm sorry it has come qt such a cost. Praying for you.
    (Ironically I started a post along the same lines this morning--"same, same but different" as they say in SE Asia--I didn't get a chance to finish it but hopefully this weekend.)

  4. *at (That's what I get for trying to type on my phone!)

  5. I thank God for your courage to be real. It seems everywhere I turn the message is the same--choose to be grateful in whatever that is. I went through some very difficult days over the past couple of weeks and the only way I could conclude in my blog last Wednesday was that gratitude is a way of escape in the midst of trials. It switches your focus from the pain and distress of the moment to manifold blessings of God in all that is. Thank you being a blessing.