The Mighty Grip of Fear

It’s going to get worse.

It was a deadly phrase that went through my mind recently. It tempted to lure my mind to join in on the ‘what if’ game. It finally found its opening to take over and I began to think about how bad things could really get. But on this one particular morning I believed it was no longer just a game. I knew the worst had come.

~

I uncovered my cell phone from the blankets on the bed. Four missed calls in such a short amount of time since I misplaced it. Upon reviewing the calls I discovered they were from my husband. As I hit send to return his call I wondered what was so urgent for him to phone me repeatedly.

Then I remembered.

The sirens.

The long and drawn out sounds of the sirens shortly after my husband left for work that morning.

Then I remembered the woman.

The woman I overheard frustrated because she had to pull off the freeway by my house to avoid an accident scene.

The phone rang. No answer. I dialed again. Still no answer.

I texted him.

No reply.

I emailed him.

No reply.

I went online to search for current freeway accidents. My screen glared back at me with accident reports and fatalities.

My head started to spin.

The missed calls weren’t actually from him. Someone else used his phone to tell me about the accident.

Oh God. This isn’t happening.

My body went numb. My head dizzy. An indescribable sensation traveled throughout my body. I couldn’t breathe.

I went and flung open the front door. I was desperate for a sign of hope. I looked outside to seek an answer. I looked for him. His car was gone. He was gone.

H e   w a s   g o n e.

No. No. This can’t be happening. I can’t handle this. What about my boys? How will I live through this?

Trembling I called a friend. I couldn’t form words.

“Breathe” she said.

I cried. Fear was holding me.

She prayed. I breathed.

The other line beeped.

It was him.

Safe and sound.

None of it was real. There was no accident. It never happened.

But it felt real.

For 18 minutes it was my reality. For 18 minutes I was a widow, single mom, and sole provider.

The words of my friend came back to me,
“The enemy is trying to trip you up.”

Oh God, not again.

Fear is real. It is a stronghold with a mighty grip. When fear becomes a reality even for a few minutes it is overwhelming. I lived most my life with severe anxiety and panic attacks. Eleven years ago I sought help. God’s healing was a process and for the better part of this past decade I have walked in a freedom I never thought possible.

In my journey I have come to learn the same area of our lives we overcome by the grace of God are the very places in which we have authority to speak into others. By the power of God our own healing releases hope to another. Yet, I can not ignore that it is just as true that it is the same area in which the enemy will use to trip us up.

Why has fear paid a harsh visit to me recently? I don’t know. All I know is this: I will not return to it as it has hoped to return to me.

Not this time.

I will not return to a life riddled with fear. I will not give in to the threats over my mind. I will reach to the Light to penetrate the darkness.  I will grab a hold of Peace to shield me from fear. I seek my refuge in His truth, in His people, and in His promise of victory.

I will overcome. I will find freedom—again.

There is no chance of things getting worse. They can only get better.

Because His grace continues…

lk

Have you ever revisited the places you thought you were “over”? What did you do? Did you retreat or seek more healing?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

*If you or someone you know suffer from severe anxiety or panic disorders please seek professional help. You don’t need to go through this alone.

Relevant Worship & Music

Overcome by New Life Church Worship

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sjYWrpNoCs

Overcome by David Nevue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQsOO-wAgRI

Reflective Scripture

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
³ For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43:1b-3

A Father's Love

“Do you want me to come with you?”

I was hoping he would ask.

He gets up from what would have been his time to rest and grabs his keys. We drive to the grocery store. It’s just he and I. Our time together. He picks out his birthday pie. I remind him to get the ice cream. He pays the bill. We drive back. I feel richer for simply being with him.

He is 69.

I am 39.

Thirty years apart, but our hearts are ever close.

I once believed disappointment would take precedence over love.

He was 48.

I was 18.

I feared to look into his eyes. What would he think? What would he say? My heart raced in the moments between words.

“I could never be disappointed in you.”

Tears poured out as acceptance flooded me.

A father’s love accepts.

I once believed my world would never be right again.

He was 44.

I was 14. 

Crying in a dark corner he reached for me. Held me and cried with me. My heart hurt deeply, and so did his. And he didn’t have to, but he said…

“I’m sorry”

I knew then I would never be alone.

A father’s love comforts.

I once believed the night would always bring fear.

He was 35.

I was 5. 

Dark nights and scary dreams led me to seek him for refuge.

“Another bad dream Pooh?”

As I answered I crawled in next to him where the frightening feelings went away and even the darkest nights became safe.

A father’s love is security.

I once thought I would always be his little girl.

But I grew up.

And I thought for a moment age would bring distance. 

He at 68.

I at 38.

My phone beeps from a text message. It’s Dad.
It reads:

Hey LA…are you free any time this week for a father daughter lunch or something.

I come out with my blonde boy. We have lunch at the usual spot. He shares photos and stories of his trip. I share life and seek advice. I leave full of wisdom, joy, but most of all—love. 

A father’s love is forever.

And a daughter’s love is ever rising with hopes to match the depth and height of what she has been given…

And yet…

A father’s love is  m a t c h l e s s.

I love you Dad.

Reflective Music

The Gift by David Nevue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IAgw-yQCtE

Is it Okay for God to Be Quiet?

Holy.

In the sanctuary—

He is here.

An angelic melody lifts heavenward. But He is not in the music. He is in the moments of quiet between the chords played and the notes yet to be played.

In the sanctuary—

He is here.

Voices unite to raise a shout to heaven. But He is not in their words. He is in the quiet moments as they catch their breath between shouts.

He is in the quiet moments of in-between.

Why did I ever believe my noise brought Him closer? Why did I trade the hush of heavenly peace for "spiritual" noise that only masked His majesty?

His quietness is holy. Oh so holy—

There is no equal.

Not even a word of praise, a song of worship, a clap, or a shout could trump this holy holy hush of God. No sound could ever be more holy while standing in the thick blanket of His quietness.

He is in the quiet moments—if we let the noise cease and allow the in-between moments to resonate… d e e p l y—we will know He is here.

Be quiet.

Your soul longs to settle,

And abide in His silence.

It is His silence that roars from heaven to touch the depths of my soul. It is His silence that deafens the darkness. And His silence that moves me close to Him.

It is in His silent presence in which He becomes known to me and I become one with Him.

I must be quiet.

My soul longs to settle,

And abide in His silence—His holy silence.

  

If I dare utter even a sound, may it be a single word,

“More.”

More moments please. More moments in-between the noises and sounds of this chaotic world for silence to settle and the quietness of God to be free in me.

More.

lk

Do you feel God's closeness with sounds or in the quiet?

Here or somewhere…be real. Share your journey.

Quiet Music

The Vigil by David Nevue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t39hnupEF4

I Can Stop Time

How does one stop time? How does one slow the process of the children growing ‘too fast’?

You grew again, didn’t you?

“Yes.”

Why must you? Will you stop please?

“No Mommy. I want to grow up to be a teenager.”

Will you still snuggle with me when you are a teenager?

“When I am five I will snuggle with you, but not when I am ten.”

How can I keep ten from coming? And yet still give the blonde boy freedom to fly? There must be a way.

There is.

I know the secret.

Stay present.

I’ve spent years staying in my calendar, my ministry, my agenda…looking ahead, planning, prepping…

and   l o s i n g   m o m e n t s.

The moments when the first boy tells me about his day—away from me—as I blind myself to the screaming screen blaring back at me.

The moments when my husband—the one I’ve promised, pledged and vowed to love, cherish, and honor—shares good news of a bonus, a sale, an increased commission…But the laundry was too high and too loud to hear—anything.

The moments when the blonde boy tells me great and tall tales of his adventures that never really happened—because they never really happened.

I am learning to stop time.

I must stop time.

I must stay present.

While the snuggle is still available--before he turns ten.

lk

How will you stop time today?

Here or somewhere…be real. Share your journey. 

Music to Stop Time…

A Moment Lost by David Nevue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErJ8juSJOMo

Quietness of God

I sit.
I wait…
for the wind of His Spirit to touch my face. For heaven’s breath to awaken my dreary soul. For holy hands to loosen the grip of black fear that suffocates my every night.

I sit.

I wait…
for His gentleness to clear away yesterday’s cobwebs. For His tenderness to whisper mercy to every space of my soul. For His enthralling love to bring me back to the passion I once knew.

I sit.

I wait…
for Hope to enter courageously. Peace to dwell deeply. Life to flourish purposefully.

I sit.

I wait.

It’s quiet.  He is quiet.  But I know He is near.

He is here.  With me.  In all I do.  In all I don’t do.
He loves.
Me.
Quietly.
As I sit.  And wait.

What are you waiting for?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Relevant Worship

Always by Kristian Stanfill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb4VvNq8WEM&feature=related

While I’m Waiting by John Waller

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y

I’m Waiting Here for You by Christy Nockels (Passion)

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=9CFF01NU

Reflective Scriptures

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27:14 NLT

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10 NIV

I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1 NIV

Tomorrow Had Come

Have you ever lived a life gripped in fear? I know I have. The relentless fight of life and death in every moment makes one insecure and weary. I get that life. I’ve known that life. But I’ve also known freedom. In this week’s post, fellow blogger Jessica Kirkland, shares her story of receiving God’s tangible promise in the midst of real fear. Read on—it’s powerful.

Tomorrow Had Come
by Jessica Kirkland

In every season of life, the Enemy would whisper the lie that I would “never make it” to the next.

I believed it.

Time and time again, I thought his words held power. As a young child, I never thought I would live to see my school years. Once I entered school, I never thought I would live to see the next day, next grade, or milestone in life. I listened to a very real enemy, even though I didn’t want to. Even though I came from a strong, Christian family, I felt powerless to stop the lies. Fear gripped me, stole from me, and taunted every careful step I took.

I gave my heart to Christ at six years old, yet fear still held me tight. Though I had renewed hope, the whispers and lies continued to flow and drown out truth through every season. When, I heard the words that burned a hole straight through, I was nose-to-nose with what appeared to be the sum of all my fears.

“Mrs. Kirkland, you have congestive heart failure. If your babies are born now, they will probably not live or be severely impaired.”

I was twenty-six weeks pregnant with triplets. In the beginning, I had been pregnant with quads, but had lost one child at 14 weeks. I never imagined we might all go meet Jesus on the same day. I mourned the thought of my husband walking through life alone. I grieved for the children that would either die, be disabled on this earth, or grow up motherless. And I burned with anger, not just because of the oxygen mask strapped to my face as I struggled for breath and life, but for twenty-five years of allowing Satan to tell me that I would never make it to tomorrow.

Tomorrow had come.

As nurses whirled around me, I prayed Acts 17:25 out loud, “…You give life and breath to everything, and satisfy every need.” I pleaded with the God I personally knew through a relationship with His Son, Jesus. I knew He had a plan for my life that was good according to Jeremiah 29:11. In my humanity, I struggled with the thought that death might be His plan for us on that day.

Today, we are parents to three healthy five-year-olds. You would never know they were born nine weeks premature. The joy that Satan has stolen from me in 30 years, through a spirit of fear, is great. I imagine if you strung each lying sentence end-to-end, they might wrap the globe. Yet, I have promised to tell others of God’s miracles in my life and do my part in setting captives free.

Tomorrow had come, but so had Jesus, and it is He who has defeated the grave.

“For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Are you living life or living fear?

Here or somewhere...be real.

Share your journey.

Jessica Kirkland lives in Southeast Texas with her husband, Robb, and five-year-old triplets. She is an author and speaker whose greatest passion in life is to see young families grow deeper in their walk with God. Jessica's newest adventure includes launching Christian Apps 4 Kids, which seeks to draw

kids closer to Christ one app at a time. A recent release is a book app that addresses fear and scary nighttime sounds called The Sounds of Night, designed for kids ages 2-8. It is currently available on iPad, iPhone and all Android devices. When Jessica isn't writing, you can find her cheering her boys on at the soccer field, or watching her little girl at the dance studio.

To find out more about her current writing projects, connect with her at: http://www.christianapps4kids.comor on her personal blog: http://www.jessicakirkland.com
Click here to purchase The Sounds of Night at iTunes.

Hope?

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

Sometimes my heart goes to sleep—and I forget…

There is Hope

Sometimes I just have to sit and be—me in front of Him.

Sometimes I have to remember who He is—before I can know who I am.

Sometimes I have to push away from my stuff, put my pen down—and listen.

Maybe you do too.

Listen in to the anthem of Hope. It’s for me, but I have a feeling it’s for you too.

HOPE'S ANTHEM by Wlliam Matthews

He's awakening the hope in me
By calling forth my destiny

He's breathing life
Into my soul

I will thirst for
Him and Him alone

He has come like the rain
That showers on the barren plain

So my heart and tongue confess
Jesus, Christ the Hope of man

My hope is in you, God
I am steadfast
I will not be moved

I'm anchored, never shaken
All my hope is in You

He's bringing hope to the hopeless
And giving His heart to the broken

And sharing His home with the orphan
He is the joy, He is my joy

He is the hope of the nations
The Father's heart we're embracing

He is the song we're declaring
He is the joy, He is my joy