Hello Courage

Art by Sherry Meneley

I lie awake in the dark. And press my eyes shut.

Pretending. Pretending the darkness isn’t creeping into my mind. I try to will the thoughts away. But they don’t.

Stop. Please stop.

Fear must die at some point, right?

I rise to my feet. The morning is dark. Everything dark. When will the sun cast light into my morning—into my soul?



My husband sleeps. I grab my phone—my connection to another world. I send out a distressed message. Please...somebody pray. Tears begin to fall. Hot tears.

“Are you okay?”

It’s my husband. Still in bed he calls to me. He knows I’m not right.

I ’ m   n o t   r i g h t.

I go to him. He pulls me near. I fall into his arms and cry.

No. I sob.

Like a child.

The incomprehensible wailing shakes loud throughout my body. The sounds I make. They are the same when the blonde boy comes to me. Hurting.

“Where does it hurt?” I ask him.

“Everywhere.”

E v e r y w h e r e.

I pull him close. His sobs deepen. He is safe to let it all out. To cry. To hurt. To lean in.

My husband does the same. Holds me close. Now it’s my sobs that deepen. I am safe to let it all out. And cry out like a child.

“I’m so scared”

I wail louder. I can’t stop.

I remember I was five. My hair was golden brown. Long pigtails tied back with yarn. Awake in the night and frightened. Nightmares. Again. Why must fear insist on following me?

And now?

This little girl, a grown woman sobs and weeps deeply because of the fear…she feels—

I feel…e v e r y w h e r e.

“It’s going to be okay.” He rubs my back as more tears escape.

“Read to me.” I tell him. The words come in the voice of a little girl.

Still a little girl.

“Read what?” He asks.

“Psalm 91”

“Why don’t you tell me what it says?” He prods gently. Knowing. He knows the power for me to hear my own voice speak life.

My face wet with tears. The pillow soaked from fright. His arms warm. He waits. I reach into the pockets of my memory…and speak.

“(S)he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest  in the shadow of the Almighty…because (s)he loves me. I will rescue her. I will save her from trouble.”

Oh, how my mind needs to be rescued…to find rest.

“Do you believe that?” he asks me.

I couldn’t answer.

Could I believe?

I wasn't sure.

My life was dependent upon believing the Son would rise that day.

If He didn’t rise…if His light did not shine into my mind…well, how could I live?

How could I?

My heart tender from the early morning battle, I walked weak through my day—waiting for it to sneak up on me again. Fear. I hate it. How would I face it if, when it came again? Where was the courage to fight? Where?

And then I see it.

Simple words in a photo sent on my phone from a friend. Shouting a message. To me.

Hello Courage

I pause. Hello Courage? I don’t get it.

Have I just knocked on the door of Courage to say, ‘hello it’s time to come out and play’?

or

Is this Someone saying hello to me? As if I were Courage.

I hear it now. I remember.

It’s my name. The name He gave me almost nine years ago.

Courageous One.

I hear Him. He calls me by this name—to remind me who I am.

Hello Courage

I get it.

By calling my name He brings forth the very thing I lack. His hello rescued me and brought me rest.

Fear vanishes. Peace comes. The Son rises within my heart. Even in my doubt.

E v e n   i n   m y   d o u b t.

Because His grace continues…
lk

 Where do you doubt God’s faithfulness? Where do you need the Son to rise today?

Art by Sherry Meneley

 Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Tomorrow Had Come

Have you ever lived a life gripped in fear? I know I have. The relentless fight of life and death in every moment makes one insecure and weary. I get that life. I’ve known that life. But I’ve also known freedom. In this week’s post, fellow blogger Jessica Kirkland, shares her story of receiving God’s tangible promise in the midst of real fear. Read on—it’s powerful.

Tomorrow Had Come
by Jessica Kirkland

In every season of life, the Enemy would whisper the lie that I would “never make it” to the next.

I believed it.

Time and time again, I thought his words held power. As a young child, I never thought I would live to see my school years. Once I entered school, I never thought I would live to see the next day, next grade, or milestone in life. I listened to a very real enemy, even though I didn’t want to. Even though I came from a strong, Christian family, I felt powerless to stop the lies. Fear gripped me, stole from me, and taunted every careful step I took.

I gave my heart to Christ at six years old, yet fear still held me tight. Though I had renewed hope, the whispers and lies continued to flow and drown out truth through every season. When, I heard the words that burned a hole straight through, I was nose-to-nose with what appeared to be the sum of all my fears.

“Mrs. Kirkland, you have congestive heart failure. If your babies are born now, they will probably not live or be severely impaired.”

I was twenty-six weeks pregnant with triplets. In the beginning, I had been pregnant with quads, but had lost one child at 14 weeks. I never imagined we might all go meet Jesus on the same day. I mourned the thought of my husband walking through life alone. I grieved for the children that would either die, be disabled on this earth, or grow up motherless. And I burned with anger, not just because of the oxygen mask strapped to my face as I struggled for breath and life, but for twenty-five years of allowing Satan to tell me that I would never make it to tomorrow.

Tomorrow had come.

As nurses whirled around me, I prayed Acts 17:25 out loud, “…You give life and breath to everything, and satisfy every need.” I pleaded with the God I personally knew through a relationship with His Son, Jesus. I knew He had a plan for my life that was good according to Jeremiah 29:11. In my humanity, I struggled with the thought that death might be His plan for us on that day.

Today, we are parents to three healthy five-year-olds. You would never know they were born nine weeks premature. The joy that Satan has stolen from me in 30 years, through a spirit of fear, is great. I imagine if you strung each lying sentence end-to-end, they might wrap the globe. Yet, I have promised to tell others of God’s miracles in my life and do my part in setting captives free.

Tomorrow had come, but so had Jesus, and it is He who has defeated the grave.

“For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Are you living life or living fear?

Here or somewhere...be real.

Share your journey.

Jessica Kirkland lives in Southeast Texas with her husband, Robb, and five-year-old triplets. She is an author and speaker whose greatest passion in life is to see young families grow deeper in their walk with God. Jessica's newest adventure includes launching Christian Apps 4 Kids, which seeks to draw

kids closer to Christ one app at a time. A recent release is a book app that addresses fear and scary nighttime sounds called The Sounds of Night, designed for kids ages 2-8. It is currently available on iPad, iPhone and all Android devices. When Jessica isn't writing, you can find her cheering her boys on at the soccer field, or watching her little girl at the dance studio.

To find out more about her current writing projects, connect with her at: http://www.christianapps4kids.comor on her personal blog: http://www.jessicakirkland.com
Click here to purchase The Sounds of Night at iTunes.