I'm Done

“It’s just too much, Lord.”

My heart ached. Tears came. Sobs followed.

It was the movement of Holy Spirit in my heart—alerting me to a time of refinement.

“No Lord. Not again.”

But really I had already said yes. Yes to God. Yes to destiny.

How often I forget destiny costs something. For God’s power to move and flow freely through me I must yield to His refining work. A life pursuing destiny is a life seeking more of Him. The painful reality is there is a process to undergo for there to be less of me.

“I don’t know if I can go another round of this, Lord.”

I wanted a way out—an exit door, somewhere that would allow me to catch my breath. I considered a conversion to the comfortable life of the American Christian. The kind of life where faith never goes deep and only showed up on Sunday mornings. Would anyone even notice? Father God made His heart known through the thundering voice of Mufasa, The Lion King. 

Remember who you are.

“Remember who I am?  Lord, I don’t understand.”

You are Mine.

Confused, I wondered if He heard me right. Didn’t He get it? I couldn’t withstand the heat of the refining fire much longer. For hours I watched my own impurities burn over the coals of purification. It was too much. I wanted out.

Remember who you are.

“Lord, I don’t know what You mean. Are You even listening to me? I’m done. I want out. It’s too much.” Tears streamed down my face in frustration.

Father God’s voice became gentle as Holy Spirit brought revelation.
 

The heat is not just to burn things off of you Beloved.

The heat is meant to burn something within you.
I am burning My identity in you.
It is what you will need to continue on the journey.
Without it you will be lost and without direction to your destiny.

My heart grew light and heavy at the same time. “Why does it have to hurt, Lord?”

Beloved, I am holy. I am marking you with my holiness.

“How long will it take?”

Dear One, I will release you soon.

Draw near and stay with Me.

I won’t leave you alone in this.

Destiny comes with a cost. It’s a willingness to stay on the journey even when it gets hard and even when it becomes unbearable. It’s a belief that the goodness of God is greater than the circumstances we face.

But with the cost comes a reward. The fullness of God’s love revealed to us, the deepening of His presence in our lives, and His identity sealed over our souls. 

It’s not an easy road, but I am choosing to stay on the journey—

How about you?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Relevant Worship

Whatever You’re Doing (Something Heavenly) by Santus Real
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN9J8eqKovY

Waiting Here for You by Christy Nockels (Passion)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3OEGnH5x8g&ob=av2n

You Won’t Relent by Jesus Culture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY657h4iZlk&feature=related

Reflective Scripture

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:7 NIV

When

Not if, but when trials, troubles, and heartache overwhelm us God responds with a promise to overpower our pain and suffering. I thought you might need this today—I know I did.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

And when you pass through the rivers,

They will not sweep over you,

When you walk through the fire,

You will not be burned;

The flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God,

The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

(Isaiah 43:2-3)

I choose to trust God to be true to His promise.

How about you?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Relevant Worship

You Are Still Holy by Rita Springer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02UQUKKk_Lo

Praise You Through the Storm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw

Reflective Scripture

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:7 NIV

Drawn By Love by Lesley Glenn

A Note from Laura:

Sometimes it takes a friendships years to experience any kind of depth. And then there are those rare times when connection happens immediately. This is the case with my friend Lesley Glenn. I have been personally touched by her passion to live an authentic life with God and others. Because of her deep communion with our Lord, she leaves marks on the souls of others—marks of true identity and destiny. Many lives, mine included, have been deeply touched by Lesley's compassionate and genuine love for God.

It is with great honor I introduce Lesley as this week’s Guest Blogger. You will be deeply moved as I was with her writing, her heart, and her story. Afterwards, please visit her blog to view a short video as she takes her writing topic to her art journal.

Drawn By Love
By Lesley Glenn

I saw his car in the parking lot. What was he doing here? It wasn't time…What time was it? I wanted to just walk by, so he wouldn't see me. But I was pulled in. Drawn by what?

Drawn by LOVE

As I got closer, I began to get fearful. Would he be angry? Would he accept me? I saw his head leaning against the half open window. And all of a sudden, yes, I was being—

Drawn by LOVE

He sensed my presence and he lifted his head. Our eyes locked. I took the initiative.

"Hi."

He rolled his window all the way down. "Hi" he replied.  "What are you doing here?"

"This is the park that I run the dog."

"Oh" he said looking down. I stood there, not knowing what to say next. 

Invite him was all I heard.

"Do you want to come and join me?"  I asked.

He looked at me, with questioning eyes and said with uncertainty, "sure." He rolled up his window, got out of his car, and locked it. We began to walk together—in silence.

The warmth of the sun beat down on our heads as the wide open space that I loved so much came into view. I let the dog go, and he immediately took off. The speed he ran spoke freedom to the very depths of my soul. We both watched the dog run and he grinned and chuckled a bit. 

"Wow! He really loves this doesn't he?"

”Yes,” I replied. Again we were quiet as we watched and stood side by side.

"It's all hitting me at once." he started.

"Yeah, I know," I replied, “so many changes." 

"I don't know where to even start”, he continued. 

He looked down at the key chain he curled up in his left hand.  Then gazing out again he watched the dog—who continued to run.

The past 18 years suddenly came together for me at that moment.

I was drawn by LOVE

I touched his arm lightly and strength allowed me to hold back the tears.

"Just start with today."

He looked at me, not able to hold back the tears.

"Thanks Mom," he said.

"You're welcome," I replied.

He was drawn by LOVE

—and the dog kept running.

How about you…

Are you being drawn by Love?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Drawn By Love was an encounter Lesley had with her 18 year old son the day before his high school graduation.

Lesley Glenn is the founder of Dandelion Wishes, a non-profit organization established to effect hope, healing, and renewal to women, teens, and children through therapeutic art. Her passion is to impart destiny and give purpose to those once desolate especially to those who have been sexually exploited. Lesley has made significant impact on many lives as near as Southern California and as far as Nicaragua. She and her husband of 20 years have three children and reside in Corona, California where together they are drawn by Love to release their three children into their open wide spaces to discover God-given destiny.

Web: www.dandelion-wishes.org

Blog: www.authenticallylesley.wordpress.com

Art Response

Click here for Lesley’s art journal response to Drawn By Love.http://authenticallylesley.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/drawnbylove/

Reflective Scripture

I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love and more love.
Jeremiah 31: 3 Message

Pathway to Destiny

Keep moving—forward.
Follow the way I have paved for you.
Don’t stop.

I will guide you with holy stepping stones.

They are distinct in design.

They are unique to you.
They are characteristic of Me.

Stay on the path.

Your hope will heighten.

Your faith will strengthen.
Your courage will increase.

You can do this.

My love guides you,

Holds you,
Moves you—

Closer to Me.

This is your pathway to destiny.

Where are you on the path?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey. 

Relevant Worship

Waiting Here for You by Christy Nockels (Passion)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3OEGnH5x8g

The Lord is My Shepherd by Issac Meyer (IHOP)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQRkxK0jg7Y

Reflective Scripture

To You, O Lord, I pray. Don’t fail me, Lord, for I am trusting You. Don’t let my enemies succeed. Don’t give them victory over me. None who have faith in God will ever be disgraced for trusting Him. But all who harm the innocent shall be defeated. Psalm 25:1-3 TLB

Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; point out the right road for me to walk. Lead me; teach me; for You are the God who gives me salvation. I have no hope except in You. Psalm 25:4-5 TLB

The Lord is good and glad to teach the proper path to all who go astray; He will teach the ways that are right and best to those who humbly turn to Him. And when we obey Him, every path He guides us on is fragrant with His lovingkindness and His truth. Psalm 25:8-10 TLB

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Psalm 37:3-6 NIV1984

The Flashlight

The door was left wide open, guards slept, and darkness fell. The scene was set for danger. And I was vulnerable. It didn’t take long for the first attack. A hook caught my flesh and a stronghold secured. I was going down…

Click-click

I was not alone. The sound of the flashlight bounced off the walls of my soon-to-be prison. I froze as the rays caught my frame in the shadows. I tried to run, even deflect the rays somewhere else. But the light did not move toward excuses or blame. It shone directly on the condition of my soul.

His holy light beamed from heaven. My weakness exposed. The truth revealed.

I left the door open,

I permitted the guards to relax,

I welcomed darkness into my heart.

The reality sickened me. It was just a moment of wander, yet nothing was hidden from Him. I waited for shame. I waited for condemnation. I waited for the heavy hand of God to wave His finger at me.

He said nothing to me. Nor did the holy beams emit disapproval or disgrace. He simply revealed—

I   w a s   n o t   a l l   H i s.

I paused. Strangely, I felt confused. Was I willing to give up the mystery of the night for the wonder of God? Was it worth it? I had so much to lose—

And yet so much to gain…

I pulled out of my self-centeredness long enough to notice the light beams were still on me. I stood still and let the Light flood my soul. The warm glow began to restore my soul and my senses. I didn’t belong in darkness—I was created to bask in the Light.

“God forgive me.”

He did. He always does. His grace is big enough. His love is strong enough—even when mine is not.

What do you see when God shines His light on you?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Reflective Scripture

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Stellar

The black desert sky became a canvas for brush strokes of glittering stars on a moonless night. Awe and wonder filled me and I became overwhelmed by the vast space of a universe in which I played a small role. The warmth of the campfire drew my gaze down as I watched my world visit, laugh, and play into the night.

Sleep soon beckoned us. And one by one we each took our place in the tiny, whimsical cabin. Darkness soaked into every crevice of our dwelling. Complete silence was interrupted only by the sound of the house fan pulling in the cool desert air. Rest was my hope—but not my reality.

 

“You are NOT stellar.”

What started as a whisper grew to a shout. The phrase became a perpetual cadence in my head. It traveled in circles through the places of my mind and dared to take root in my heart. I wasn’t sure I even knew what stellar meant—deep down I knew it was good. But someone believed I wasn’t.

That someone—was me.

This insanity kept my mind racing, my eyes open, and my heart fighting with the true Voice. Why did God insist on interrupting? Was He not aware of the areas I lacked? Did He not remember where I was deficient? Why would He challenge what I knew to be true?

“Lord, stop telling me I am stellar—when I know I am not.”

Just as the light of dawn peeked through the windows, fatigue from the battle hit, and I surrendered to my body’s plea for slumber. I could rest in one thing—I was not stellar. Apparently, I had won this battle with God.

Couple hours later I woke exhausted. Memories of the night lingered in a strange haze. What was stellar? Breakfast was put off for an important quest—a dictionary.

Stellar  \ste-lar\  (adj)

Like a star, as in brilliance and shape. Outstanding.

My eyes glazed over the star definition to the one that made sense. Outstanding? No. I still didn’t believe I was outstanding. Even more, I couldn’t believe I lost a whole night’s sleep over it.

“Lord, I don’t understand.”

God pushed the memory of the starry sky before me and led me to a scripture…

He calls each star by name. Psalm 147:4

“Lord, I seriously don’t get it.”

You are stellar—like a star in brilliance and shape.

I have called you by name to shine and sparkle in this world.
Everything I made is outstanding—including you.
It’s not because of anything you do or will do—it’s My identity within you.
You are stellar.
Believe Me above all others—You, Beloved, are My brilliant star.

I get it now.

Do you?

What are the lies you believe?

 Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Relevant Worship

Indescribable by Chris Tomlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-zJHgaoVa4&feature=related

Who Am I? by Casting Crowns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q

Reflective Scripture

That you may show yourselves to be blameless and guiltless, innocent and uncontaminated, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and wicked generation among whom you are seen as bright lights, stars, or beacons shining out clearly in the dark world. Philippians 2:15 Amplified

He counts the stars and calls them all by name. Psalm 147:4 NLT

Just One Word

One word—

Faithful.

He just is.

Not because of anything I or you have done—no.

It’s just who He is.

He can’t not be—faithful.

Two words—

He knows…

He just does.

He knows the answer…

And when to let you in on it.

He’s never late—

He just isn’t.

Three words—

You’re not alone.

Never.

He can’t stand to be away from you.

So, He won’t move…

He will stay.

And walk the journey with you.

One moment at a time.

And soon,

very soon,

you will look back only to see the pathway you traveled

led you closer—to Him.

Is the pathway you’re on leading you closer to Him?

Here or somewhere…be real.

Share your journey.

Relevant Worship

Sometimes by Step by Rich Mullins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEkiXIWA4ls&feature=related

You Are For Me by Kari Jobe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ffdbo9Hypo

Great is Thy Faithfulness by Israel Houghton
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jJDnummQ8w

Reflective Scripture

Great is His faithfulness;
His mercies begin afresh each morning.
Lamentations 3:23 NIV

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8 NIV

“I will never fail you.

I will never abandon you.”
Hebrews 13:5b NLT